SNL Halloween Costume #8: The Thinker...Or The Stinker

Are you brave, self confident, and cheap? Will Ferrell did a skit that I laugh to every time I see it. He was Terrence Maddox, a homeless Vietnam Vet who posed nude for an art class to make a little extra money. All you need is a blue robe and slippers, a beard and wig, a canvas army green backpack (optional), and the guts to be naked underneath, at least. You don't need hepatitis or one testicle like him, but you do need to be crude, mentally unstable, and act a little high. Assuming you'll be acting.

SNL Halloween Costume #9: Daaaa Bears

One of the more fun SNL skits for me as a kid was Bill Swerski's Super Fans Show, better known as "Da Bears". This was when a bunch'a guys would sit around a table, drink beer, smoke cigars and eat, and talk about sports and heart attacks. These guys were Chicago fanatics, and more specifically, in love with Mike Ditka. Ditka could do no wrong. My all time favorite segment was when Chris Farley (in my opinion the funniest man to ever live) was choking on a pork steak yelling "I'm noking, I'm noking!", and with some help from his friends, coughed it up. The point of this is that if you're with a group of friends and going to a Halloween party but don't know what to wear, then this is it. You just dress up in Chicago sports clothing, hats, 80's sunglasses, and fake mustaches, build up a halfway decent Chicago accent, and talk about the greatness of Ditka or Jordan, or Bob Probert for that matter. Just don't mention the Cubs--these guys never did.

SNL Halloween Costume #10: I'm Just a Caveman

For some reason my friends and I latched onto Phil Hartman's presentation of Cirroc (pronounced Keyrock), the Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer, and when we didn't understand something someone said, we would say, "Your world frightens and confuses me. I'm just a Cave Man." Of course, Cirroc was smarter than that, and I think I was too, though it may not sound like it. This Halloween get-up is easy. You wear a decent suit, some bushy eyebrows and a long-haired wig, and act ignorant when you're actually really smart. But you'll have to be a smooth talker and a braggart about the expensive things that you own. Maybe on Halloween you can "defend" people if they do dumb things, like spill beer on the carpet, and then tell the owner/complainant that if they had expensive stain proof carpet like you do, this wouldn't have happened. Watch this video and the one below a few times and use them as your tutorial. Don't be frightened!

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer

Halloween 2009, Saturday Night Live Style

In the mid 80's I got hooked on Saturday Night Live with a group of close friends. We would get together at one of our houses every Saturday night to watch the entire hour and a half episode. This ritual lasted to the mid 90's, though college caused those Saturdays to become much fewer. I personally think those were the funniest years of SNL, with the best actors and characters. Those nights truly shaped part of me, and helped to mold my current sense of humor. On top of that, I got to spend great time with my friends, and instead of being out drinking on a Saturday night, we would be Lothar of the Hill people and talking of walking with women.
Every year for Halloween usually the only costumes I entertain are SNL characters. Last year's costume originated from a Blue Oyster Cult studio recording with the infamous Gene Frenkle. The costume was a process: finding vintage jeans and a vintage men's shirt (I ended up with a women's) that needed to be three sizes too small, locating a huge cowbell, and getting decent glasses, shoes, a wig, and a drum stick. But after spending several hours working on the beard by weaving and gluing thread through plastic mesh and the end result occasionally falling apart or needing re-shifting, not to mention that it was a bird's nest to Frenkle's beard, I wondered why I went through all of the trouble when there were so many great SNL characters that weren't as difficult, and could be done on the cheap. So over the next couple of months I'll throw out a top ten list of the funniest, easiest, and cheapest SNL characters that you could be for Halloween, one at a time. Of course, I may miss some, or may have some taste bias, so comment back if there are any glaring ones that I've forgotten. Stay tuned...

Cardinal Red, White and Blue

I remember times as a boy riding home from staying at my Grandmother's home in St. Louis. Our large family would be comfortably crammed into a Station Wagon with the windows down and a hard, warm breeze fluttering my hair. It would usually be around sunset, and I would watch the blue darkness slowly drape over the moving landscape. The cabin was relatively quiet, except for an occasional comment or question...my Mom trying to start some dialogue with me or my sleepy siblings. But there was another voice I was more interested in. Jack Buck was calling a Cardinal game on the radio. It always seemed that our trips home included a Cardinal game, and when they didn't, I would be disappointed and bored. It wasn't necessarily that I was keeping track of the hometown team's wins and losses, but it was just was Jack who drew me in. After those long weekends in St. Louis of being with family, and staying up late sneaking a little Benny Hill on the tv, and then waking up early in the morning to go pick up Dunkin' Donuts with my Dad, I needed something relaxing, something soothing. And that was Jack's voice. It was like drinking water through my ears for a thirsty brain. All my eyes needed to worry about was to watch the stars...Jack Buck began announcing for the Cardinals in 1954, long before I was born, and I suppose had been broadcasting for nearly 30 years before I was lucky enough to hear him. He reduced his schedule to only calling home games through the 1990's, when several health problems probably factored in. On September 17th, 2001, just after the attacks on 9/11 and the night that Major League Baseball resumed playing, in his Cardinal red Jack read a poem to the crowd at Busch Stadium, and really all of America, that he had penned himself. Though I only saw him recite it on television, I'll never forget that heart-warming and heart-wrenching few minutes, coupled with what all of us had experienced just six days before. Soon after that I had learned that Jack had been a war veteran, wounded in battle in World War II, fighting for the freedom of others, and my appreciation for the man grew that much more. He passed away June 18th, 2002, seven years to just a few weeks ago and only nine months after that last public appearance, at the age of 77. Sadly, I think most of St. Louis was unaware of that anniversary. I was fortunate enough to be able to attend a Cardinal game on July 2nd with a couple of very good friends, and made sure to dress in my Cardinal red, white and blue. Jack Buck sure would have.